a year on..

A year on~

 

I treated myself to fake nails today, to celebrate my first Mercy Birthday.

To sit and reflect tonight, and ponder the year that has been.  Its been a bit of a roller coaster of a ride, I'm not going to lie and say it has been easy, its been far from it. And at times it has been the hardest fight so far. But I have made it. I've gone 365 days without being admitted to the psych ward. I've gone 365 days without a visit to the ER. Its been achievement, especially knowing what I faced before my Mercy journey.

I don’t think you can ever be fully prepared for life out of Mercy. You spend all this time within the safety of the Mercy walls. Having love and caring staff members all around you. Knowing that at the knock of a door, you can have someone to talk to, to pray for you and to work through things that are on your mind.

I know that over my 8mths at Mercy, I was taught the coping skills I would need to do life on my own, with God. I was taught to love myself, to forgive, to trust and to tell myself the truth.

When I was swung back into the real world, I didn’t expect the turbulent ride that I have experienced. I have had many difficult times. And during some of that, I often wondered what one earth was happening to me. Where had God gone? Why was everything so hard? And I sometimes doubted all the work that I have put into my time at Mercy. I had gone back to my old coping mechanisms, I was at times living the life I lived before my time at Mercy, and I ultimately started doubting  God. I grew to be so disappointed in myself and in God.

But God has been so good. He has helped me to pull through those hard times. When I have remained faithful, He has also.

I've had to really pull on those things that I learnt at Mercy. I had to put into practice the truths that I have began to live out in my life while at Mercy. I had to remain determined to keep walking in my freedom. Its been a daily decision to accept His grace and mercy in my life. To live out the truths in my life.  That’s been the biggest thing that Gods taught me over the last year. Its always been something that ive felt strongly about, that in life, God offers us 2 choices, blessings and curses, life and death. Now choose life, so that I might live. But now I am actually living and walking on that word. I am choosing to accept the blessings in life and rejecting the lies of the enemy that in that past has almost destroyed me.

I've just started to study Mental Health Work, which im loving. And I continue to look for work. I love being involved in church life, helping with youth group, administration work and the coffee cart. I'm passionate to share what God has done in my life, knowing that the truth really does set you free.

I'm living in freedom. And im finally loving the life that I am living. And I have God to thank for that. That in his instrument, Mercy Ministries, I'm happy to be alive. I take each breath with a thankful heart, thankful for Mercy Ministries, thankful for all the wonderful staff at Mercy, thankful of all my family and friends that haven’t given up on me, and ultimately, thankful of God for giving me a second chance at life.